Learning Boundaries as a Self-Parenting Skill

 

I recently saw this tweet from writer Jacinda Townsend:

Jacinda, you are definitely not alone!

For those who grew up in a family of origin with appropriate boundaries, learning how to set boundaries probably happened as invisibly as learning to walk, write their name, or sing songs. Interpersonal interactions were healthy and just “happened that way.” Those people often don’t even realize that’s how they are living. (See: fish, water!)

But for those of us from families with more dysfunction, we may have just as invisibly learned unhealthy boundaries, and it will greatly affect our daily lives. Like much of self-parenting, this is harder to learn in adulthood, but necessary and definitely worth the work.

Since I am also a therapist who hands out materials on boundaries to my clients, here are links to two articles I frequently use with clients. Others may also find them useful:

Like any skill, boundary setting takes repeated practice over time. We may see how we’re “supposed to” do it right away, but that doesn’t mean we will be able to implement it right away. Throw away that perfectionistic expectation. But you can start experiencing relief right away from even small changes! Read the articles and see what parts apply to your experience. Start small, keep working on it, and develop the habit of treating your boundaries as being important! ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Targeted Violence in New Zealand Shatters the Peace for All

 

canterbury-mosque-in-christchurch-new-zealand-04

We are saddened and outraged to hear of the deaths of 49 Muslim worshippers at the mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand. We extend our condolences to the Muslim community in New Zealand and also our Muslim neighbors locally.

A reminder to all that it is important to avoid sharing harmful imagery and materials that primarily publicize terrorist acts and terrorists. This includes the video livestreamed by the shooter, but also stills from the video. One reason is to avoid giving terrorists the publicity they crave, which can also encourage terrorist acts by others.

Another reason is to minimize traumatizing people by making exposure to images of actual violence and killings practically unavoidable as they go about their everyday lives. Traumatic material can severely affect not only those in the specific target group of the violence, but many others as well.

As the above Twitter user has pointed out, instead of giving terrorists free publicity, find ways to help, locally and internationally. Some ideas from others include: showing support and solidarity online or in person, contacting local Muslim organizations to offer help, or donating to specific victim aid.

For Muslims anywhere,

Be mindful of neighbors and coworkers who may be very affected by these events and check in with them if you can.

Be safe, and help others feel safe, too. ❤

Healing, Not Fixing, PTSD

 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is often best approached as a chronic condition that may have “flare-ups.” This is true of many other mental illnesses and mental injuries as well.

It can certainly be the case that someone experiences some symptoms of PTSD one time and never again in their life, but for most of us, what it means is that we are vulnerable to experiencing symptoms again during periods of stress (or in the case of activating events).

We are experiencing healing, which means we are able to improve certain things with support and as we learn to attend to ourselves, but we don’t know how much everything will heal nor how long it may take. This is different than “fixing,” which is when we remove a “broken” part and replace it, and then everything is as though nothing ever happened. You are an organism, not a bicycle.

This does not mean “I have PTSD, so now everything is hopeless forever,” it means that we need to learn how to manage our environments, life situations, and our selves in order to reduce the severity of symptoms and the likelihood of recurrence, rather than to assume “I haven’t had any symptoms in a year, this must mean it’s okay to stop attending to myself!”

It means not subjecting ourselves to unreasonable stressors and life-sucking situations, personally and in our work. It means taking our physical and emotional discomfort seriously instead of blowing it off until it blows up. It means not listening to internalized minimizing messages that say “suck it up” when distressed. It means learning to re-parent ourselves where necessary.

It means treating ourselves with support, care, and dignity, and developing boundaries to ensure that others do, too. It means practicing self-care as a habit, not only when unduly stressed. It means recognizing symptoms as symptoms, rather than as some kind of weakness that deserves self-punishment.

It means learning what events, people, and circumstances make your symptoms worse, and modifying those as best you can. It means learning what activities, people, and circumstances help you feel better, and including those more. It means taking yourself to the doctor or the therapist when you need to go. Sounds simple, but it’s not always easy!

Basically, it means learning to take care of ourselves “as though” our well-being actually mattered instead of as an afterthought. Let me repeat: treat yourself like your well-being matters, because it does. ❤

 

“Treating yourself with kindness is a life skill. It doesn’t matter whether you are ”good at” this skill It only matters that you keep going💛” — Jeffrey Marsh

 

 

Immigrant Families Managing Depression, Anxiety

Because of the many layers of stresses and even traumas associated with immigration, immigrants and their families may face high levels of mental distress. This includes things such as traumatic events that were severe enough to make them leave their home country in the first place, as well as the great difficulties in adjusting to a new and sometimes hostile environment.

In some cases, cultural conflict and cultural differences may make dealing with mental health issues even more difficult.  But some members of immigrant groups are working to alleviate this and support mental health of fellow members, such as  Ryan Tanep, in this piece by Malaka Gharibh:

 

Depression and Mood Screening Clinic 2/28-3/1

 

Wondering if you have depression or a mood disorder?

Give us a call or email to set up an appointment with one of our caring mental health professionals for a brief screening during our depression and mood disorders screening clinic.

Depression can be treated–it’s not “laziness” or a character flaw!

Give yourself a chance to be involved in your own life (and enjoy it more)!  ❤

Screening Flyer Dep

 

Repression: A Storm Comin’

Twitter user @charlubby (Chuck Mullin) chronicles trauma recovery and other mental health issues in a series of cartoons featuring her alter ego, a relatable pigeon. This page succinctly expresses how repressed trauma can feel when it’s ready to come out and be processed:

 

For more information about @charlubby’s upcoming book, Bird Brain, look here:

 

 

Last Call! This Thursday 1/24: Therapeutic Art for Anxiety

~We still have some spaces left–sign up soon! Explore difficult feelings with creativity!~

 

Single-Session two-hour small-group therapeutic art for adults: 

Thursday, January 24, 5-7pm: Art Therapy for Anxiety

~Appropriate for adults with OCD, Panic, Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or other anxiety disorders.

~Online Signup via Eventbrite (or contact us directly)

 

 

~All supplies provided

~Many insurances will reimburse – please ask for a receipt

~If you are not a current client at Intersectional Life C&P, a referral from your current therapist is required ~OR~ if you don’t have a therapist you may request a brief screening interview (phone or in-person, 1/2 hour)

 

 

 

 

therapeutic art groups for anxiety and trauma (1)

 

Next Week: Therapeutic Art for Anxiety (Thursday 1/24)

~We still have some spaces left–sign up soon! Explore difficult feelings with creativity!~

 

Single-Session two-hour small-group therapeutic art for adults: 

Thursday, January 24, 5-7pm: Art Therapy for Anxiety

~Appropriate for adults with OCD, Panic, Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or other anxiety disorders.

~Online Signup via Eventbrite (or contact us directly)

 

 

~All supplies provided

~Many insurances will reimburse – please ask for a receipt

~If you are not a current client at Intersectional Life C&P, a referral from your current therapist is required ~OR~ if you don’t have a therapist you may request a brief screening interview (phone or in-person, 1/2 hour)

 

 

 

 

therapeutic art groups for anxiety and trauma (1)