Self-Care: It’s Okay Not to “Optimize” Yourself

Many people have been making New Year’s resolutions, and some are even sticking to them! For most people, however, they won’t last very long.

It’s completely valid to want to make changes to yourself and to your life, but pay attention to what you are telling yourself in the process. You may be telling yourself that you will finally be acceptable if you can meet your goals. The “if” lets us know that if we don’t meet our goals, we are not acceptable. We often believe (consciously or not) that there are only two choices: exceptionally fantastic, or…crap. (To state it plainly.)

Guess what? You are already acceptable! You are wonderful and miraculous! Yes, even on your bad days.

The idea that you aren’t good enough unless you are the best of the best is an expression of perfectionism, and perfectionism is a life-killer, a progress-killer, a killer of the good. We seek progress, not perfection.

Instead of telling yourself that you “must improve,” try the dialectical approach:

“I am already acceptable as I am, AND I would like to try doing this a different way to see if I like that better.” (No “buts” allowed!)

This makes it clear that it is a choice you are undertaking, rather than a “should.” Also, it is a way of making a choice to try change but without browbeating, judging, and criticizing yourself–all things that, ironically, make change much more difficult.

If you accept yourself as already okay, then you are free to try changing things all year around, as the opportunities present themselves. But–this is key–you don’t have to “improve” yourself in order to be acceptable.

While we’re here talking about accepting yourself, here is a great article about expressing your vulnerabilities:

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Checking In With Yourself

When you’re feeling really depressed, upset, or anxious, it can be hard to come up with ways to understand what is happening with yourself, let alone what to do about it. Even the most basic self-care can be hard to remember when your executive functioning is down.

This is a very helpful list to have handy for those times when you are unable to generate the energy to remember how to support yourself:

 

Know Your (Personal) Rights

Most relationship difficulties are a result of some kind of difficulty in setting boundaries. If your childhood environment was chaotic or abusive, you may not have been allowed or encouraged to have personal boundaries, so you may need to learn to develop them in adulthood.

In order to develop good personal boundaries, you need to know what rights those boundaries are defending. If you haven’t thought much about your personal rights, you might not even know what they are! In that case, a good place to start is the Personal Bill of Rights from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook (Edmund J. Bourne).

Personal Rights

Click here to see further explanation of individual items on the list.

Seminars: Mental Health for Medical Practitioners

Mental Health Topics for Medical/Dental Practitioners (individual or team-taught):

Seminar format: Brown-bag or longer (30-90 minutes)

  • Treating Patients with Trauma History
  • Mental Health Issues in General Practice
  • Outpatient Treatment Teamwork With Mental Health
  • Psychology Issues of Medical Students / Practitioners
  • Multicultural Issues in Health Care

Depending on focus of topic and availability of speaker, co-leaders of team-taught sessions may include Dr. Latinia Shell, Dr. Radhika Sehgal.

Previous teaching in related areas has included:

  • York Hospital psychology outreach
  • Undergraduate and graduate classes

Rates vary depending on several factors including length of seminar or training, travel distance, number of attendees and facilitators. Please contact us for further information:

Email:

IntersectionalLife@gmail.com

Phone / fax:

Phone (717) 947-4623 / Fax (717) 947-4625

Compassionate Acceptance of Mental Illness

While there are many aspects of mental illness or injury that we can usefully learn to manage and to cope with, we may still have feelings, reactions, thoughts, and behaviors we would rather not have.  We may have internalized harsh or destructive judgments about those symptoms.

It is useful to cultivate an attitude of compassionate acceptance not only for the struggles of others, but also for our own struggles. When we first realize just how many aspects of life have been affected by mental illness, it can be overwhelming. It is also a chance to forgive ourselves and remember that we do not have to do everything “right” to have value as a human being.

This very useful post describes some of the unexpected ways mental illness may show up in everyday life, in things that we often criticize in ourselves or others:

 

Payment and Rates

∙ NEW: Sliding-scale fee discount: Please email us for the simple discount application form to see what your discount would be. You don’t have to be “low-income”: any client or prospective client may fill out the application just to see. There are no obligations or mailing lists.

∙ Insurance:

∙ We DO NOT bill insurances directly. Your insurance may have out-of-network benefits, which may reimburse you for certain providers such as dentists, therapists, or other specialists.

∙ Insurance reimbursement service is available for most insurances (clients pay at time of visit, we give client a receipt or submit the receipt to insurance, insurance sends client a reimbursement check).

More details here: Payment and Clinical Services Rates

What To Do Until Your Therapy Appointment

Even when there is not an emergency situation, it can be hard to cope with crisis or distress while you are waiting for your appointment in a few days or weeks. But taking care of yourself as best you can until then will help a great deal.

Talk to friends / family members: Share your feelings and thoughts with someone you feel comfortable with and who cares for you.

Take a bath / shower: Taking a bath or shower can calm you down and soothe you.

Exercise / take a walk: Go outside or go to the gym to exercise and release the tension.

Write: Take some time to write about how you feel and how you make sense of things.

Practice relaxation techniques: Listen to a relaxation track on YouTube or similar, and follow the directions.

Eat healthfully: It is important to take care of your basic needs. Fueling your body with healthy food is one of them.

Practice meditation: There are many different kinds of meditation. One of the ways to practice meditation is to be still and observe the sensations in your body from head to toe. If troublesome thoughts come into your mind, be aware of them but let them go. Try the free guided sessions at Headspace if a structured approach works for you.

Breathe deeply: You can practice deep breathing in any setting. Try to inhale deep into your abdomen.

Get enough sleep: If you are tired you will not be able to think clearly. Sleeping 7-8 hours per night can rejuvenate you and help you think clearly. Practice meditation or take a bath to help with difficulties falling asleep.

Attend to your spiritual needs: During hard times, attending to your spiritual needs by attending or observing services, meeting with others, or praying may help to comfort you.

Set several small goals for the day and work on them: Focusing on one thing at a time will help keep you from feeling overwhelmed.

Structure your time: Re-evaluate your priorities. Time management isn’t just about “how much can I squeeze in” but rather “what can I let go of.” Include things that are meaningful and comforting for you, not just a bunch of obligations.

Accept help: When loved ones offer help, try accepting some instead of expecting to do everything on your own. Also, remind the anxious part of yourself that you are no longer helpless and you will take care of yourself.

 

– Dr. Liz

  • (Adapted from materials used at Michigan State University Counseling Center)
  • For additional practical self-care measures, try this helpful list!