Self-Care: It’s Okay Not to “Optimize” Yourself

Many people have been making New Year’s resolutions, and some are even sticking to them! For most people, however, they won’t last very long.

It’s completely valid to want to make changes to yourself and to your life, but pay attention to what you are telling yourself in the process. You may be telling yourself that you will finally be acceptable if you can meet your goals. The “if” lets us know that if we don’t meet our goals, we are not acceptable. We often believe (consciously or not) that there are only two choices: exceptionally fantastic, or…crap. (To state it plainly.)

Guess what? You are already acceptable! You are wonderful and miraculous! Yes, even on your bad days.

The idea that you aren’t good enough unless you are the best of the best is an expression of perfectionism, and perfectionism is a life-killer, a progress-killer, a killer of the good. We seek progress, not perfection.

Instead of telling yourself that you “must improve,” try the dialectical approach:

“I am already acceptable as I am, AND I would like to try doing this a different way to see if I like that better.” (No “buts” allowed!)

This makes it clear that it is a choice you are undertaking, rather than a “should.” Also, it is a way of making a choice to try change but without browbeating, judging, and criticizing yourself–all things that, ironically, make change much more difficult.

If you accept yourself as already okay, then you are free to try changing things all year around, as the opportunities present themselves. But–this is key–you don’t have to “improve” yourself in order to be acceptable.

While we’re here talking about accepting yourself, here is a great article about expressing your vulnerabilities:

woman20under20stress

Checking In With Yourself

When you’re feeling really depressed, upset, or anxious, it can be hard to come up with ways to understand what is happening with yourself, let alone what to do about it. Even the most basic self-care can be hard to remember when your executive functioning is down.

This is a very helpful list to have handy for those times when you are unable to generate the energy to remember how to support yourself:

 

Therapeutic Art 12/13 and 1/10: Register Soon!

Single-Session three-hour therapeutic art groups for adults, each focused on a specific theme:

Thursday, December 13, 5-7pm: Art Therapy for Anxiety

~Appropriate for adults with OCD, Panic, Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or other anxiety disorders.
~Online Signup via Eventbrite (or contact us directly) REGISTRATION EXTENDED THROUGH 12/5

Thursday, January 10, 5-7:30pm: Art Therapy for Trauma History 

~Appropriate for adults with PTSD or related issues deriving from experiences of violence or abusive/chaotic/violent environment
~Online Signup via Eventbrite (or contact us directly) REGISTER THROUGH 12/30


 

~All supplies provided

~You may sign up for one or both groups, depending on availability of spaces

~Many insurances will reimburse – please ask for a receipt

~If you are not a current client at Intersectional Life C&P, a referral from your current therapist is required ~OR~ if you don’t have a therapist you may request a brief screening interview (phone or in-person, 1/2 hour)

 

 

 

Upcoming Therapeutic Art Groups: Trauma and Anxiety

Single-Session three-hour therapeutic art groups for adults, each focused on a specific theme:

Thursday, November 29, 5-8pm: Art Therapy for Trauma History

~Appropriate for adults with PTSD or related issues deriving from experiences of violence or abusive/chaotic/violent environment

Thursday, December 13, 5-8pm: Art Therapy for Anxiety

~Appropriate for adults with OCD, Panic, Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or other anxiety disorders.


 

~All supplies provided

~You may sign up for one or both groups, depending on availability of spaces

~Cost per group (3-hr session) is $155. (Many insurances will reimburse – please ask for a receipt)

~If you are not a current client at Intersectional Life C&P, a referral from your current therapist is required ~OR~ if you don’t have a therapist you may request a brief screening interview (phone or in-person, 1/2 hour)

Please contact us soon to register.

 

Managing Compulsive Picking / Hair-Pulling

Habit-reversal (developing a competing habit) and Acceptance (a method of managing uncomfortable emotions) look to be the best bet for psychological treatment of Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) such as trichotillomania (pulling hairs) and excoriation (picking at skin).

While rates of these disorders are relatively high (2%-5% of population), they are also relatively unresearched until lately.